“What did you do that was so effective?” he asks in puzzlement.
I swear I was an expert when it was all theory. Even the first months of parenting weren’t bad. I would venture to say that they were quite good, all of us rested, new in the relationship, no past mistakes together.
Then I yelled the first time. I raised my voice a little. And she stopped in her tracks, correcting her behavior. I don’t like to yell. I find it odd, an unusual sound and vibe, in a house of usual peace, giggle and fun.
The evenings are the worst, mainly because of the bedtime, even after she gets everything she asks for, we finally put a bow on it, and she starts to whine past 10 pm that she doesn’t want to sleep.
So last night I go in, take her in my arms like a baby and I hold her tight. My face very close to hers, the way we cuddle, but this time I was just past loosing and regaining my patience. So I go through the day with her, slowly. In review. Then I tell her now it’s past her bed time and daddy still needs to work and she needs to sleep. And it’s not negotiable, without a hint of uncertainty in my voice and step, I tell her I am leaving the door open so she could see the light, and Good night.
No pleading, no reassurance, no repeating myself. I heard her sigh, yawn and quickly fall asleep.
Close physical contact. Holding her tight. Speaking quietly, low. That’s what worked. …this time at least.
We have adapted, for better or worse, to many of her nighttime requests. She used to have her story, a song and then we would close the door and she would sit quietly in her bed until she fell asleep. Those were the days.
She now wants more stories, more songs, more rubbing her back or her arms, or feet, she asks us to stay with her. (She even pleaded to pray with her, and that is a weak spot) Then she is thirsty, then she needs to pee again, then she needs some help with a toy that fell, or to be covered, or uncovered, she gets out of bed to play, then she needs to pee again. Then she asks for one more song, and when we finally think that we’re done, she starts to whine that she is alone. Taking back territory is hard with such a ruthless negotiator. The trick is to not loose more ground to the enemy.
Who knew parenting requires such endurance, determination, forgiveness of others and especially of ourselves. Probably everyone who has ever been a parent.