I can’t stand full time perfectness and I don’t trust all around jolliness. We are humans and we experience a full spectrum of emotions, including sadness, boredom, apprehension, hope, desire, like or dislike.
I was fortunate to have the freedom to process all my emotions in due time, and my pensive seasons were accepted and welcomed. “You don’t have to be perfect” not perfect according to human evaluation. Knowing God was my lifeline. Out of love for God and his nature we seek to reflect Him in our lives. And bottom line, rest in Him.
We read books, we learn from our forerunners in parenting or adoption, but we ought to rely on our intuition as well. And I guess we have to keep our inner awareness healthy and alert.
Every day flies by, and I realize we have small windows of opportunity to start conversations, validate, listen and let tears flow. The psychologist asked us yesterday during the home visit if Jaclyn shows signs of fear of anything in particular. She is very daring, and not fearful of most anything: of dark, heights, sudden loud noises, animals… but she is afraid of doctors. I try to include her in our planning and give her a heads up about the day’s schedule. It seems to help her immensely. But the mere idea that we have to stop by to pick up a paper from the doctor makes her cry. When she was rescued she needed medical attention and lived in the hospital a while. It may have been a very traumatic experience.
All I can think is BE HONEST with yourself, with your child according to her level of understanding. Help her be honest with herself and her emotions. There is so much freedom in that. Little can be more damaging (especially in adoption) than stuffing things deep down to keep a pretty appearance, as things will eventually catch up with you, wth increased force.
My prayer is that I have the day-to-day strength to do and say the right thing, and the ability to discern between the myriad of options.
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