This short phrase is so powerful. Some of us heard it occasionally and some of us graced others with it. The silence that follows. The patience. The gift of being heard.
I have this gut reaction to a certain situation at school. It doesn’t involve me directly. Until it does. But part of me wants to be nice, and go the extra mile. Part of me wants to show grace. And forgiveness. But another part of me shouts that grace would be setting boundaries and saying no.
The girl that spread lies about Jackie at recess last week, and Jackie called her out on it, she apologized (half heartedly) and Jackie forgave her (put it behind her), but this week she wanted to join in an idea another colleague had: to do a sleepover. At Jackie’s. Because she has hosted them before and they enjoyed it.
She asked Jackie. But Jackie wouldn’t commit. And so this colleague thought it would be a good idea to call me and invite herself at my place for a sleepover. This daring call surprises me.
I am not in the mood to host a group of loud preteens who slam doors, stuff used napkins in the lining of the dining chair, use too much perfume, keep going into the bathroom together (though we have a strict rule about one at a time in the bathroom) and despite all these reasons, I have something going on every Friday an Saturday. Conrad reading at the library on Fridays the next few weeks, ivy going to choir till 7 pm and me planning the momco.
I have considered the idea of keeping one’s enemies closer, but how about not rewarding bad behavior with sleepovers?
This tension I felt in my gut was my intuition screaming to stay put and stay away. And as soon as I said to myself: “i’m listening” my gut calmed down. I don’t have to do things I don’t want to do. And Jackie doesn’t care to hang out with two fake friends.
Friendships have cooled and there are girlfriends I’ve driven and hosted, and when time came to show their friendship to Jackie, they remained silent, as if they didn’t want to associate with her. That hurts. As a mom, I hope I can teach Jackie about grace and how to be a good friend, the strength to forgive, and the clarity to disassociate with friends who hurt and mistreat her.
I am listening.
I wonder how many times as a kid I wasn’t listened to. On one hand I feel empowered and bold as an adult because I was treated with respect by my parents who explained things to me, who waited for me to come onboard, and they didn’t rush or push me.
At the end of the day, I feel I need to let my daughters know deeply within that I am listening. As they work through their journey of becoming, I want them to know their opinion matters and experience the comfort and courage that listening gives.