The aftermath of the referendum

The subject died down, but a bitter taste lingers. What happened? What happened to us?

Only one person challenged me on the apparent (o)position on the matter. He is a respected friend and a worthy opponent. My heart aches though, at the riff that I sense our different opinions created. And what was so different in our stance on the matter? Nobody ever asked me what I think on the subject, and I wonder why… Maybe it never mattered. Maybe the subtleties of our different opinions weren’t essential. Because the bottom line is not as dramatic as we make it sound.

I fell in the trap of making my opinion public as a side note, but I chose the wrong medium as it steals away the context and the ability to connect and align. And we are all guilty of gobbling the fear, and in some cases spewing downright hate. Subconsciously we associated everything others we disagree with said or did, and let it explode with disregard for actual facts of what I believe in essence, what I personally did or said thus far on the matter. I have been assaulted by so many disturbing images promoted by Christian acquaintances, I guess from a desperation to motivate others to take a stand. And I am sickened. Jesus is never desperate. He is calm. He is composed and he is filled with love. The battle was won on the Cross. It is finished. How can we win others with love yet acting aggressively and accusatory? Indeed nothing that was promoted was love centered. Things were ugly, hateful, disturbing to the senses. I don’t feel that I belong to one side. And that aches. I’m not ashamed to be alone, and to declare that I love God with all my heart. Period. That there are actions that I can’t endorse, but I believe in freedom and natural consequences. To the best of my ability I try to forewarn those who would listen. I am responsible for my children and those who look up to me, to live and speak with integrity. The common sense helped me walk gracefully in the world. I would not presume to walk up to anyone, friend or stranger, to tell him to change, to be different, to live differently, until I get to walk a proverbial mile with him or in his/her shoes. I think of Jesus and the Samaritan woman. I think of Jesus and Mary Magdalen. I think of the woman that was caught in adultery and was set to be stoned, and Jesus stopped the mob and said: “he who is without sin may throw the first stone.” They all left after a long silence. When Jesys lifted his eyes he asked the woman: “where are all your accusers?” She responded: “they all left”. Then Jesus said: “I don’t condemn you either. Go in peace! And sin no more”.

Bringing people out of themselves, or out of sin, with love, is risky business. It is uncertain. It seems downright foolish in a clearcut society. And yet. That is the way.

What now? What if gay marriages are legalized in Romania due to lobbying and pressure put on by the LGBT groups. So what? Does the sin, which boils all around us in the world, prevent us from living as a light in the world? Yes, we will have to deal with oppression, “we will have trouble in this world” to quote Jesus. But our goal is to do the best we can with what we have. To live a righteous sacrificial life, in freedom of Spirit. To be love. To be light. To not be afraid.

I lived in the heart of Silicon Valley. Where inclusion and equality are celebrated and promoted. My senior boss came out as openly gay only recently. I understood it as a gut reaction to defending those who are discriminated against.

What people don’t understand is that my Apple CEO lived a fruitful life, discreetly. Even those working close to him didn’t quite know if he is gay or not. I know his close (HQ) colleagues liked to speculate (before I had any clue – as Conrad used to tease me that my “gaydar” is broken), and in a sense many were awestruck by his impressive presence, intellect and strong leadership vibe. Anyhow, I respect and admire my former senior boss. I am in awe of his discretion before and after coming out. Life is more than tooting ones orientation every day which is exhausting and unnecessary to any kind of progress. That being said, none of my gay colleagues ever expressed a desire to adopt. Some got a little excited like teenage girls do, about marriage, as it was politically debatable at the time. But marriage, no matter the orientation, is hard work, self sacrifice, building trust, commitment, endurance. Most young people in this generation are interested in living life, enjoying freedom, enjoying the pleasures of youth. And adoption is a hundred times more hard work and self sacrificial love. So if one is quite selfish (we all are to a degree) would they even wish to sign up for a life of sacrifice? Picture perfect family life doesn’t exist. I hope people won’t jump on the family making bandwagon just because it looks cool on Instagram, or as a fashion / political statement.