Took him long enough. Granted, it was a matter of temporary vs permanent residence. And after the first 5 years, he reapplied for a renewal of the temporary residence and only after he could apply for the permanent residence. But just as he got his second term of temporary residence, the pandemic hit. And for 1-2 years the offices were mostly closed or only the urgent applications were processed. Needless today, we didn’t want to go down that rabbit hole if ew didn’t absolutely have to.
After we finished the adoption process for our second child, and we could apply for his permanent residence, it turns out it took nearly a year for it to be processed. Wild stuff. We applied in January and in November we got the letter of approval.
In June, during the last day of the kids being in school, we went to the Primărie and then to the Courthouse to inquire about the adoption. We wrote by hand the request to adopt the girls, we had scans of all the documents and a week later we got a court date to say yes in front of the judge. In between though we had to file another document called “intampinare” and also write three declarations ar the child protection services in front of the legal counsel about being informed and counseled about the effects of adoption on children. Jackie had to write a declaration as well the she is willing to be adopted by Conrad.
Now 18 years to the day of our wedding ceremony, we are going in front of there judge to legally become a full family.
It has been a good spring with the kids, with Conrad, with my voluntary work. The years we spent playing, exploring, connecting … for a short while I felt sad remembering there was a time when we enjoyed each other and now we drain each other to the bone. Practicing connection, listening well, willing yourself to be present and warm and kind, even when you don’t feel like it, doing what’s right even when it would be easier to turn away and take the easy road, clarifying, praying, reaching out and not giving up… there was a time when I was at odds with Jackie and she fought me, with attitude or with silence, pushing me away, and not doing what she had to do for her own health, but even as I came across as the nagging mom, despite my mental exhaustion and feeling of being used and discarded, I chose to be present. And something clicked. At some point, I felt how her gaze changed. How her attitude warmed up again. She had her own battles and fears. And it had very little to do with me. But then she saw me again as the person in her corner who is not giving up, who loves her no matter what, who enjoys her company and gives her more than advice and support.
We started having fun again. And I healed in a paralel journey of my own. I do not wait for validation from my kids. I live my own life and yet I am present for them fully. It’s a paradox but a briliant one.
Saying no is the healthiest expression of autonomy, boundaries, rest, knowing oneself… even as we had guests, serving them every day, I went on a walk with Rufus at sunset and as the breeze was going through my hair, washing over my skin, I felt this full sense of gratitude and joy… My perspective shifted. I was fully happy, to my core, just because I am alive and that I can serve and love my family without expecting anything in return. I felt free of my family’s whims, moods, expectations. I could anticipate much and meet them where they are and by God’s grace I felt free to love.