I was reading a post of mine Instagram from four years ago. Something deep and vulnerable. I was struggling to connect with my kids. Despite every effort, good intentions, I was tired and there were unmet expectations probably on both sides. I remember stopping to ask: what do you want from me and what do you need from me. Because I don’t know anymore. I thought i did, but obviously I struggle. Then I also said I wanted them to acknowledge me when I talk to them. In a respectful way. They don’t have to agree or be jolly.
Something clicked. Like we started heading into a better direction. We were not at the destination but we were making good progress. After what felt like being stuck or sliding backward for a bit.
Fast forward 4 years. The kids are better communicators. Have strong wills but we comunicate. We catch ourselves before it gets to be annoying or passive aggressive. Though there are many different relationships in the house. Mix and match all you want. Different days, different moods, different dynamics. On my part though, I always assume positive intent. And I try to help them see the world through that lens.
I can confidently say that the road is paved to each other’s hearts. My daughter comes to me more than she did 2-3 years ago. I think she resented me for a while due to life circumstances. My job as a parent is to stay the course, and not be blown in the wind. Remember who I am and my purpose and if at all possible, remind my daughter in a palatable way that she is loved and lovable, that she can do and be and succeed. And cut her some slack.
Maybe everyone reaches the point of self assessment, or reflection, and says to themselves: this is not how I want to live. And then do something about it.
it’s like setting you mind to cook a meal. If you start cooking with the final product in mind, you have a chance to make it. You can’t just throw ingredients in a pot or a skillet and hope for the best. It will taste terrible.
I was so tired of the quarrels, the tension, my own tone, the negative spiral.
With commitment and purpose, It got gradually better and better, the peace we could rely on, the open communication, the trust, the respect and acts of service without anyone asking. I feel an abundance of love and grace and remembering it was not always like that, I am doubly grateful. To god be the glory!