I have inadvertently taught my daughters to stand alone. Comfortably. If you know who you are and what you stand for, it’s not just easy but it is necessary to go the opposite way from the crowd sometimes.
I saw some pictures from ivy’s last birthday. She had 3 colleagues come over. And it was sweet and kind of them to come and celebrate with ivy her 9th birthday. But she only became a closer friend with one of the girls throughout the rest of the year. And they are still friends, even after we moved her to the paralel class.
When I suggested she changed classes she was worried about not having friends. But realized that it is not very different from the current situation. The 4 hours a day they spend in the classroom is not for socializing. It is for understanding new information and acquiring knowledge. If that is impossible then the 4 hours are a waste of time.
She accepted and was even eager to start anew in 3rd grade, and after two weeks, as the novelty of the new environment wore off, she is still glad to be in the new class. I also noticed a couple of major differences. She raises her hand and she is given permission to contribute. I thought she was painfully shy at school. But she isn’t. She starts to believe that what she has to say is relevant and coherent. Her notebooks look better organized and she is confident in knowing what she has to do.
As far as the class environment goes: they practice during class a lot more. They do the same kind of exercise multiple times, taking turns at the blackboard and walking through the steps out loud. Reading out loud as well, the homework, the new texts, they raise their hand and take turns in practicing to settle the new concepts in their mind. But then they have very little homework. Just a little practice. One page per subject. She still asks for guidance or verification here and there, but she works independently. The sense of accomplishment is a huge boost of confidence.
Prior to this move, feeling like no matter how much you work hard for school, you can never reach your target, it is crushing for a kid’s spirit. And if this happens every day for a year or two or five… then what? I don’t know.
We stand alone with our chin up. We are different and we delight in it. It helps with making safe choices… like how my eldest daughter was offered a smoke or a drink and she spoke up, standing alone, uninterested in something we told her it’s bad for her, and why. She declined it and told me about it.
I wish I knew how to consolidate my take on parenting in a simpler recipe, but I don’t think there is one. I learn every day, I adapt, I believe, I speak up. My heart breaks and my heart swells with joy, both in the same day. The tide can turn fast and everything I thought works, could turn us upside down.