More than ever my parenting clashes with Conrad’s. But we are not easily discouraged, and we listen with curiosity to the other person’s point of view. We don’t have predefined structure and rules set in stone. We adapt as we go, while going back to our core values.
It’s easy to jump to conclusions or be all or nothing. Tiredness can cause someone to make rash statements, adapting and taking into consideration even seemingly absurd points of view.
I was sharing some positive take on encouragement for teens, and Conrad said something shockingly frustrating for me. He believes I had an enviable childhood.
I beg to differ.
I was not forced to be happier than it came natural to me, so as an adult I chose joy. But I felt lonely and alone. I was in my head a lot, but then I turned to the Bible to fill my heart with it. And it saved me. I was broken and I felt angry and in my loneliness I acquired some bad habits. The crack I could see widening as I heard my parents fight in the kitchen. I still remember the silly reasons they fought over. Miscommunication and misunderstandings. Stubbornness and lack of generosity or empathy. They were lost as well. Figuring out life. But it is sad to feel like I understood them more then than they ever understood themselves. I was born old. And I was eager to mature further more.
We lived on the outskirts of an industrial town, on the outskirts of the country. On the outskirts of our church, and any social group. I loved it there. The outside circle is my comfort zone.
But that doesn’t make it enviable by my middle class American husband who had choices, access, a stay at home mom, music lessons, sports, a fun school, support in pursuing art, democracy, full grocery carts, an engineer dad who valued family and was and is well spoken and knowledgeable and inspiring.
Side by side it becomes evident to us that scarcity produced a more resilient adult compared to an adult who seemingly had everything. Could his family have saved him from their own wealth?
We parent differently because of our upbringing. But we try in earnest to outgrow our childhood patterns.